Movies I Saw All The Way Through In 2012 With No Fast Forwarding or Anything #1: Contraband (2012)
I’m happy to report that Best Movie Bully Ever Mark Wahlberg has finally found a way to play the Nice Guy without losing his charisma entirely. The trick, you see, is for him to play a retired asshole thug who could still beat your face in while cooing shit like “what, you think you’re the only guy with a fucking gun?” but would rather spend his days with the wife and kids. Obviously inspired by this breakthrough, Ben Foster manages to play a recovering drug addict without leaving teethmarks on the camera.
This being the first film I’ve seen in ages without reading a review in advance, I thought critics would appreciate that Contraband is exactly the kind of taut, unpretentious B thriller January was made for. They’re not saying thanks, but America’s made it Wahlberg’s biggest non-franchise/non-ensemble/non-Shyamalan film ever, which is even better. I want Five Brothers almost as much as Marky does.
