If you write a food news blog for three years, you learn some lessons. When a major fast food chain announces some insane discount, it will become a shitshow (see: the Oprah giveaway of free KFC chicken, which caused actual riots). Menu items that seem creative once will, two years later, be so ubiquitous you want to shoot yourself in the head every time you read about them (lobster mac and cheese, I’m looking straight at you). But most reliably: when a major chain abruptly shutters multiple locations, it will declare bankruptcy within two weeks. Trust.
Was reading the ’80s Trouser Press guide on the way home when I noticed a guy looking over my shoulder. “Are you going to read the whole thing?” I did my usual “hey, it’s something for the subway!” hem-haw (true answer: yes, because I am a gigantic rockcrit nerd) and he introduced himself as the drummer for Fetchin Bones (who I thankfully had at least heard of). “Look under F…they credit me with ‘lickety split country drumming.’ Don’t believe everything you read!” A few amused thumbs up were traded as he got off the train. I was already having a pretty awesome night, but that officially made my day.
Featuring Mariah Carey, Kylie Minogue, Leona Lewis, Cheryl Cole, Alexandra Burke, Susan Boyle, Miley Cyrus, Robbie Williams, Take That, Rod Stewart, James Blunt, James Morrison, Joe McElderry, Mika, Michael Buble, Westlife, JLS - all backed by Bon Jovi.
Apparently the song choice was announced a few days ago, but I totally missed it. DON’T KILL YOURSELF, HAITI!!! BRITISH SINGERS HURT TOO, SO HOLD ON!!!
On at least a sentimental level, Four Brothers would easily make my top ten films of the ’00s. Four former troublemakers head back to Detroit in the winter to find out why someone shot their saintly foster mom. It’s got Wahlberg’s funniest, most confident performance yet, an even better shot of Marky walking across an all-white backdrop of snow towards bad guys than in Shooter, one of the most believably clumsy car chases ever, a throwaway joke acknowledging Andre 3000’s otherwise inexplicable drawl, tears, cheers, beers, Chiwetel Ejiofor as dickwad crimeboss, “I wrote the fucking book on finesse! You just wait for me to wipe my ass, Angel.” Seriously underrated, and I’m glad Wahlberg wants to see it get more love.
What’s hilarious is how much this is a repeat of what happened almost twenty years ago: NBC loses hip favorite after needless drama because it can’t bear to let go of a bland, numbers-bringing company man it not-so-secretly hates. Only now they don’t have Must See TV to fall back on. While Conan was basically dead to me when he ran off to Burbank to challenge Letterman, this press release reaffirms what a smart, funny guy Conan can be. Excited to see what he does next, as long as its not an LA talk show or a reality contest.
"We always knew he was the bad boy of the group, but proposing at a porn party? Unless AJ really knows the meaning of being horny, we’ll just assume he didn’t know who the clubgoers were, what they did or where they were from—-only that he loved her.”
Ke$ha (RCA/RMG debut) 130-140k Susan Boyle (Columbia) 100-105k Alicia Keys (J/RMG) 60-65k Lady Gaga, The Fame (Interscope) 60-65k Mary J. Blige (Geffen) 50-55k Taylor Swift (Big Machine) 40-45k Black Eyed Peas (Interscope) 40-45k Alvin & The Chipmunks, The Squeakquel (Rhino) 35-40k Lady Gaga, The Fame Monster (Interscope) 30-35k Justin Bieber (Island/IDJ) 30-35k
1.I thought Justin Bieber was the squeakquel.
2. Would Usher screaming “JUSTIIIIN!” on a track count as an interpolation of “The Christmas Song”? What if Justin responded “Okay!”?
3. I bet you could use a “chipmunked” Justin Bieber song as a skeleton key for garage doors.
4. The Black Eyed Peas still selling more than both Bieber and the Chipmunks suggests America prefers its grating yelpers and novelty-hawking assclowns combined.
5. If it wasn’t for Lady Gaga there wouldn’t be a single penis on this chart.